Leading is hard, and after this summer, and some reflection I have come to realize that most leaders have a place they can retreat back to and talk about leading. For Kristen and I it was typically in “The Nook” or in my car.
It was also a place of vulnerability. We had to confess our weaknesses to one another in order to lead well as a team. I don’t know about you, but I don’t like talking about my weaknesses. I have them, oh boy, do I have them. But I don’t like talking about them, especially with people. I’ll talk to God about them, He was a person once, doesn’t that count?
It does count, but then there’s that whole “accountability” and “growing” thing that God designed the body of Christ to help one another do. And that is so hard. I would much rather face a physical trial like a broken leg, or sprained wrist or something. Okay, wait, that’s a lie. Because then I would have to ask for help and that is super hard too.
But that’s the problem. Pride. “I don’t need your help!” “I don’t need you, or anybody else to help me!” “Thanks, but no thanks.” But we do need one another. And that is so hard to admit, even behind a closed door to someone I trust.
It’s okay to need someone, in a healthy way.
This summer I wanted to grow into a good leader, and in order to be a good leader, you need other leaders around you. Even Patton had other leaders around him. I had to confess to my co-leader (Kristen) that I am not perfect, that I am unable to do everything all on my own without any help from you, thank you. More importantly, that I didn’t want to do it on my own.
It was hard to admit behind a closed door, and it’s hard to admit in an open arena like a blog.
I’m not perfect. No leader is. Someone will always find something to critique, something they don’t like or disagree with. As a leader it is guaranteed that you will upset someone, have your position of authority challenged, and sadly that you will disappoint someone. Pleasing all people all the time cannot be done.
It was there, in that room, that truth took root and later began to grow. All I can do is what God asks me to do, and even then, I can only do it to the best of my abilities and ask for help when I need it. But even then there’s no promise that everything will go according to my plans. If you’ve been reading this summer, you’ll know, nothing ever goes according to my plans (That running theme has done a marathon or two in my life. More like an Ironman…maybe a couple of them).
My prayers since have sounded more like this, “God, help me to know that I am accepted by you, to follow your plans, to not let rejection, disappointment or fear get the best of me. Only you deserve that. I need you God, and I need your body here on earth. I want to please you more than I want to please those around me. I want them to want you more than I want them to want me. Thanks for the help through Kristen, Rene, Pastor Rob, Debby, Erin, Mitch, Bill, Hanna, Bruce and from Mom and Dad. Talk to you soon, amen.”
Each member of the body needs the other parts, no matter how insignificant they may seem.
Here’s my encouragement to you reader, bring what’s behind closed doors into the light and let it grow and flourish. Confess it and then bring it out so it can either dry up or grow up.
